Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Father's Day

Last Sunday, as many of you know, was Father's Day. How do you celebrate Father's Day without a father? My dad and Craig's dad passed away several years ago, so Father's Day now takes on a whole different meaning. Yes, Craig is the father of my child, but it really isn't the same. This particular holiday is always hard for me. It really was my dad's day.

Now in thinking about it, I wish I had spent more time and effort on those special days. My dad and I had an on and off relationship through the years, so I didn't always pay him the attention I should have. It's always easy to blame the other person for this, but now in retrospect I should have been better about spending time with him. He was always so tied up in making a living, that I expected a lot from him and he wouldn't or couldn't give as much as what I needed. However, once I could accept him for who he was and what type of father he would be, it was much better for me.

One of the saddest things ever was at my dad's memorial service, one of his very good friends and ex-employee told Craig that he didn't even know Gordon had any sons. I guess it was never important enough for my dad to talk about his boys. Fortunately, for my brothers they never knew this. My brother, Bryan, was only 5 when dad left and he never really grew up with him at all. Dad never made the effort to be a dad and spend time with Bryan. Most of Bryan's male influences was from my husband and my sister, Deb's, husband. The last several years before dad died he did spend more time with his sons. They went hunting and rock hounding together quite a bit and the boys loved that time with him and have wonderful memories.

I can't even recall any funny fathers day memories to relay. The hardest part of losing your parents is the things you didn't get to share. He wasn't there for my daughter's college graduation, her wedding, a ride in my Corvette and especially the Sunday night calls he made to me. Regrets are horrible and I have many, but have learned through the years to just try harder with the time I have on this earth.

My final words from my dad were "I love you, too". Of course, at that time I didn't know those would be the last words he would ever say to me. Telling the people you love is so important, because you never know when that may be the last thing they hear from you.

I hope those of you that still have your dad with you, that you appreciate that and try and over look any ill will you may harbor and just enjoy the time you have.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean, my parents as you know are both gone and really mothers/fathers days are no so important to me, but remember they are for your son who thinks of you as you do your father. Try to remember although these holidays are sad ones for you they are the days your son will remember as well. On a side note, it's not guts that got me to tell as much as it was the fact that not telling had greater consequences. My ex is a heavy alcoholic and had just been released from treatment. He calls me to inform me he fell off the wagon. Although he was yelling, cusing and threatening me, his parents needed to know so they could help him out. (He lives in Oregon). He is now back in treatment, if I wouldn't have told he would just be a closet drunk still and who knows what would happen. Just think about the pros and cons to telling and listen to your gut. Usually you can't go wrong.